Allawi reaches compromise with NATO on troop training

BRUSSELS (November 21, 2004) - The dispute between the Iraqi Interim Government and NATO about the stationing of NATO training troops seemed to be finally resolved. Despite the fact, that the trans-Atlantic alliance unanimously agreed to provide Iraq with military training in the Istanbul summit meeting on June 28 and again last week, Germany and France, the two key European NATO members, have steadfastly refused to allow their military trainers to be stationed in country.
Germany, one of the biggest military power in Europe, now have agreed to provide a total of 32 Bundeswehr officers for the Iraq training mission. Responding to complaints about this minuscule contribution, German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder vehemently defended Germany's decision. "What counts is not quantity, but quality", he explained."Remember World War I and II, no other country in the world ever has the military capacity and skills to start two major wars like that," he added.
According to the agreement that Iraqi Prime Minister Allawi reached last night, the 32 officers of the German Bundeswehr will be stationed in the United Arab Emirates, with headquarters at the Le Meridien hotel in Abu Dhabi. Their primary mission will be to train Iraqi security forces to "operate five-ton trucks".
In a related development, the New York Times reported that a Dodge truck dealership in Detroit has offered to provide similar training program to the Iraqi armed forces, but was ultimately rejected by NATO. An unnamed, high-ranking NATO general told reporters that while the Dodge offer was "cheaper, larger in scale and can be done in-country", it lacked the "military sophistication" that only Germany's Bundeswehr can provide.

CBS News found second tape of Marine shooting incident

FALLUJAH (November 20, 2004) - A sensational development late Friday evening has added a new twist to the shooting incident in Fallujah. CBS News just issued a statement claiming that they are in possession of a second tape of this shooting, which involved a US Marine and a wounded Iraqi terrorist. It was thought until today that the only videotape of this incident was captured by NBC photographer Kevin Sites. CBS News did not reveal how the new tape was obtained, but insisted that its authenticity was beyond any possible doubt.
According to a CBS News spokesperson, the new videotape will be broadcasted on "60 Minutes" this Sunday, and is about three minutes longer than the NBC tape. It showed the same incident but from the opposite angle, most likely from a spider hole, deep inside the room where the incident took place. The CBS tape even captured the scene when the first Marines were entering the room with NBC's Kevin Sites following them. These details fueled the speculations that the new tape was made by someone embedded with the terrorist group.
A source close to Mr. Dan Rather of CBS News indicated that this tape was probably filmed by Michael Moore, who had emigrated to Iraq after the election in early November. Mr Moore has been reportedly embedded with Zarqawi's Uday Martyr Brigade since the begin of the battle for Fallujah. Mr. Dan Rather, who will present this new videotape on CBS "60 Minutes" this Sunday, refused to confirm this speculation. He simply indicated that Mr. Michael Moore was obviously "too fat" to fit in the spider hole.
As expected, the blogger community has quickly reacted to this development. Several wellknown blogs like Powerline, Instapundit, Free Republic, Little Green Footballs, told reporters that they have already assembled an army of "experienced imaging experts" to instantly analyze the CBS News video and check for fraudulent special effects as soon as it is broadcasted.

UN changes Geneva Convention to include Zarqawi

NEW YORK (November 19, 2004) - Mr. Kofi Annan, the UN Secretary-General, announced in a press conference today that he has introduced an emergency resolution calling for a major modification of the 1949 Geneva Convention relative to the Treatment of Prisoners of War. His main purpose was to expand the coverage to include the Zarqawi terrorists. This was directly in reaction to the recent shooting incident in Fallujah, where a US Marine shot and killed a wounded Zarqawi terrorist, who had faked death and was in a position to harm the Marine with potential booby-trapped suicide bombs or grenades.
Mr. Annan specifically wanted to change Article 4, Section A.2.of the 1949 Geneva Convention, which in the current form states, that "Member of other militias" should be considered and treated as prisoners of war, only if they "fulfill the following conditions: (a) That of being commanded by a person responsible for his subordinates; (b) That of having a fixed distinctive sign recognizable at a distance; (c) That of carrying arm openly; (d) That of conducting their operations in accordance with the laws and customs of war."
The amended Article 4, Section A.2 that Mr. Annan introduced today included the following key changes: "Members of national terrorist groups" should be considered and treated as first-class prisoners of war "even if (a) They have no responsible command structure; (b) They blend in with the civilians during armed operations and do not have a fixed distinctive sign recognizable at a distance; (c) They do not carry weapons and explosives openly; (d) They conduct their operations outside the laws and customs of war, like killing and beheading innocent civilians."
Mr. Kofi Annan explained that this revised Geneva Convention represents UN's reale Politik and it also better reflects the new "humanistic paradigm as we at the UN see it." First reaction came from Paris, where President Chirac told reporters that France will vote for the revised Geneva Convention provided it covers "only armed conflicts involving American military forces" and explicitly "excludes the current war in Ivory Coast."

Suivez-moi: Chirac got more in return than Blair

MOSUL (November 17, 2004) - In an interview with the KDTV- Channel 11 in Mosul, French President Jacques Chirac continued to criticize British Prime Minister Tony Blair's ongoing support of the American administration on the war in Iraq. He told reporters that "Britain gave its support but I did not see anything in return. I'm not sure it is in the nature of our American friends at the moment to return favors systematically." Mr. Chirac said, this proved again and again that the British leadership was quite "dumb" and did not have "the slightest sense for business" at all. He wished that the British Prime Minister should have followed his example and supported the former Iraqi administration under Saddam Hussein. Mr. Chirac indicated, that in return for his political support for President Saddam Hussein administration from 1992 to 2003, France has received a lot of substantial favors. For example, Mr. Chirac said, France received 800 millions barrels of oil from Iraq at a price of only 1.99 dollars per barrel, before mail-in rebate. Although Iraq has only a very short shoreline, the Iraqi Navy also bought two nuclear aircraft carriers of the "Charles De Gaulle" class, which gave a significant boost to the French heavy industries. Mr. Saddam Hussein also agreed to buy 500 millions bottles of Evian water per year for his Republican Guard divisions, but unfortunately he was toppled before this deal became effective.

Arafat's widow hires Mark Geragos for litigation with PLO

MODESTO (November 16, 2004) - Suha Arafat, the wife of the recently deceased PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat, announced in a press conference today in Modesto that she has hired Mr. Mark Geragos, the lead defense lawyer in the Scott Patterson case, to represent her in the litigation against the PLO. At stake were several hundreds millions Euros in numerous overseas accounts under her husband's name. Mrs. Suha Arafat claimed that she, as the surviving spouse, owned the money personally, fair and square,while the PLO insisted it belongs to the Palestinian people. She denied reports in the Parisian newspaper "Le Monde", that a settlement was reached yesterday between both parties. The alleged settlement, 20 millions Euros in lump sum and a monthly payment of 35,000 Euros, was "not remotely sufficient" to support her current simple lifestyle in the noble city of Neuilly, just outside Paris.
Mr. Mark Geragos, sitting next to Mrs. Arafat in the press conference, told reporters that with the Scott Patterson case "winding down", he has plenty of time and felt very honored to fight for the basic rights of a simple Palestinian widow versus the powerful Palestinian government machine.

"IED Veterans for Truth" to air TV ads in the US

FALLUJAH (November 14, 2004) - Former Iraqi General Ibrahim al-Duri, president of the "IED Veterans for Truth," announced today in an undisclosed bunker located in the southern district of Fallujah, that his organization "IED Veterans for Truth" will air a series of sixty-second TV ads in the top 20 media markets in the US, starting next week."It is about time, to stand up for the truth, let the American people know the whole truth and finally debunk the horrendous lies that the American government is spreading about our IED fellows," Mr. al-Duri said."President Bush has tried to demonize us, by accusing us of war crimes by using the IED on innocent people of Iraq," he continued. Mr. al-Duri insisted that the IED, which stands for Improvised Explosive Device, is the "Allah's weapon of choice to help the Iraqi people in the fight against the American occupation." He angrily rejected the accusation that his IED fellows "... had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads,... cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Ghengis Khan, shot camels and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, burned oil wells, and generally ravaged the countryside of Iraq..."
According to CBS News, Mr. George Soros had agreed to donate five millions US dollars to finance the TV ads and Ms. Barbara Streisand will head a national fund-raising campaign to help support the IED veterans.

Schrum and Carville crop up in Iraqi election

RAMADI (November 13, 2004) - Less than two weeks after the end of the American presidential election, where he served as the senior strategist for the losing candidate Senator John Kerry, Mr. Bob Schrum reemerged in a new election campaign, this time in Iraq. He announced in a press conference in Ramadi today that he is providing his unique campaign expertise to the Sunni Democratic Party (SDP) as the senior strategy adviser. His goal is to achieve the majority in the upcoming national election in January 2005. Mr. Schrum denied that the SDP was only a collection of Baathist loyalists and Saddam supporters. He insisted that this party represented the "hearts and souls of the Iraqi people". He also vigorously rejected the notion that he is a perennial loser with eight straight losses in American elections. He explained that while the American electorate was " stupid" as indicated by some foreign press, the Iraqi voters are "more intelligent" and will make the right decision for their country by voting for the SDP. "Remember the Red Sox", Mr. Schrum also added, "their curse was broken this year and I intend to break mine in January 2005."
In another development, Mr. James Carville, the architect of President Clinton's victorious campaign in 1992 and co-host of the CNN's Crossfire television show, reportedly has accepted an offer from the international Al-Jazeera television network. He will host an one-hour, political talk show primarily focused on events related to the January Iraqi election. This weekly show will be broadcasted live, in English with simultaneous translation in Arabic. A spokesman for Al-Jazeera confirmed this report and announced that the Carville show will start as soon as "we can find an Arabic interpreter who can understand Mr. Carville's Cajun English in a proficient manner."

New Bush National Guard documents found in Fallujah

FALLUJAH (November 12, 2004) - Mr. Dan Rather of CBS News, currently embedded with the 36th Iraqi Special Force battalion in Fallujah, announced today that he had discovered a stash of new National Guard documents involving President Bush in a mosque near the train station in Fallujah. The Legal Division of CBS News has already proof-checked the 200 page documents and approved their authenticity."We are very confident, that these historic documents will pass the expected scrutiny of the blogger community and will provide the ultimate answer to the whereabout of President Bush in 1972-1973 time period", Mr. Rather told reporters in Fallujah. CBS News will air the details of new National Guard documents in a special "60 Minutes" broadcast this coming Sunday. Mr. Rather added, the fact that the newly discovered National Guard papers were written in Arabic "does not affect in any way, shape or form the accuracy" of these documents.

Zarqawi: Top candidate for 2004 Nobel Peace Prize

OSLO (November 11, 2004) - A very senior official close to King Harald V of Norway disclosed today that Mr. Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the chief terrorist in Iraq, is the top candidate for the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize. The final decision by the Norwegian Nobel Committee is expected by no later than November 15. This revelation seemed to confirm an early report by BBC News that Mr. Zarqawi is the dead-on favorite to win this year. The chairman of the Norwegian Nobel Committee declined to comment officially, but he told reporters that a potential selection of Mr. Zarqawi, who organized suicide bombings, personally murdered and beheaded innocent people in Iraq, is "well in line" with current and past practices of the Nobel foundation. He reminded the public that Mr. Yasser Arafat, who just died today in Paris, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1994, although he was considered the world's top terrorist in the second half of the 20th century. He added "no terror, no peace". He refused to comment on a recent motion of the Scandinavian members of the Nobel Peace Prize committee to award posthumously the 1943 Nobel Peace Price to Hitler and Stalin for their joint effort to bring peace to Europe in World War II. The prize was not awarded from 1939 to 1943.
Other candidates mentioned in the top list were French president Jacques Chirac for his peace keeping policy in the Ivory Coast and Mr. Bill Gates for being just the richest man in the world. The only other American candidate included in the top 10 list was Mr. Al Gore, however in the 10th place. Mr. Gore denounced the low ranking, he insisted that he was the top choice of the Norwegian committee and warned of "voter fraud in the selection process". He already deployed 10,000 lawyers to Oslo to make sure that the selection is fair and accurate. He added "if necessary, I will personally go to the International Criminal Court (ICC) in The Hague and sue."

Kofi Annan suspends Iraqi sovereignty

NEW YORK (November 9, 2005) - Reacting to the ongoing battle for Fallujah, Mr. Kofi Annan, the U.N. Secretary-General, announced today that he has single-handedly suspended the Iraqi sovereignty, effective immediately. He vehemently denounced the military actions, which have been conducted by the Iraqi and American forces to free Fallujah of terrorists. He said this "escalation in violence" not only was "very disruptive for Iraq's political transition" but also raised "the risk of increased insurgent violence." Mr. Annan vowed to convene the Security Council within the next 24 hours to revoke the U.N. resolution 1546 of June 8 this year, in which the U.N. unanimously endorsed the sovereignty and the interim government in Iraq.
According to Fox News, Mr. Annan has also sent an urgent request to General George W. Casey Jr., the Commanding General of the Multi-National Force MNF in Iraq, asking him to put the current military operation "al-Fajr" (Daybreak) under U.N. authority. Mr. Annan insisted that the U.N. already possessed unique experiences in dealing with complex Iraqi issues. He cited the overwhelming success of the "Oil-for-Food" program and nominated his son, Kojo Annan, as the new Supreme Commander of the Iraqi and MNF forces around Fallujah.
President Chirac of France immediately voiced support for Mr. Annan's position."We are a little busy right now in the Ivory Coast, but as soon as we are done with this affair in Africa, we will take care of the Iraqi sovereignty", Mr. Chirac declared in a press conference in Paris.
In an exclusive interview with Dan Rather of CBS News, Mr. Gerhard Schroeder, the Federal Chancellor of Germany, commented on the situation in Fallujah as follows."That's what you got when you don't let Germany be a permanent member of the Security Council", Mr. Schroeder said. "If Germany were a member, the U.N. would never endorse the sovereignty of Iraq under Prime Minister Allawi, and we wouldn't have this mess". The German Chancellor continued "I appeal to the world, for the sake of peace and freedom, let Germany be the Fuehrer of the U.N. Security Council now."

Senator Hillary Clinton embedded with First Marine Expeditionary Force in Anbar

ANBAR (November 6, 2005) - General John Sattler, the Commanding General of the First Marine Expeditionary Force, 1MEF, with frontline headquarters in the Anbar province, announced today that Senator Hillary Clinton is the first US politician to be embedded with an US fighting unit. She underwent a secret training last week and is now in an undisclosed location near Fallujah. The Marine unit, which Senator Clinton is embedded with, will take part in the imminent attack on this insurgent city. In a statement issued by her Senate office on Saturday morning, Senator Clinton insisted that " This has nothing to do with the 2008 Presidential election. My credentials on defense matters and war on terror are beyond doubt and way above those of other potential candidates of both parties".
According to The New York Times, other politicians have tried to be embedded with a fighting unit in Iraq, but without success. Senator John Kerry reportedly tried early this year to be embedded with the French Navy Special Forces, Commando Jaubert, but withdrew the application when he was informed that this French unit was not active in Iraq but on actual duty in Ivory Coast.
Dan Rather of CBS News also reported that as late as October, Senator John Edwards did ask to be embedded with the First Cavalry Division based in Baghdad, but withdrew the request immediately when he realized that "wearing the Kevlar helmet might cause a serious hairdo malfunction".

Kerry declares secession, USA falls apart

BOSTON (November 3, 2004) - One day after his decisive defeat in the American presidential election, and only hours after his concession speech, Senator John Kerry surprisingly declared the secession from the United States of America. He announced early Wednesday evening the formation of the Socialistic Commonwealth of America (SCA), which consists of 11 NorthEastern states that voted for him in this election. This includes several geostrategically important states like New York, Massachusetts, Vermont and especially Rhode Island. As expected, Boston was chosen as the capital. In his first official act, Mr. Kerry declared French as the official language of the new Commonwealth. Effective immediately, Mr. Kerry decreed that his official international name is Jean Francois Cairie. This was done in order to pass the first global test under Mr. Kerry's reign. However, he would not mind if Americans continue to call him John.
France was the first country to recognize the new Commonwealth. French president Jacques Chirac has immediately offered massive economic and military assistance in case of conflict with the USA. Mr. Kofi Annan, the U. N. Secretary General has convened an emergency session to deal with this unprecedented development. We just learned that the U. N. has just passed a resolution - no. 1499 - which granted U. N. protectorate status to the new Commonwealth. Expecting imminent armed conflict between the new Commonwealth and the USA, Mr. Annan approved the establishment of a massive U. N. peacekeeping and nationbuilding force to be deployed immediately in the 11 sates of the new Commonwealth. Within minutes, Haiti anounced that 50,000 Haitian soldiers will be placed under U. N. command for refugee-assistance and other humanitarian duty in Albany, Gloucester, New Haven and Southampton. Sudan will send 150,000 battle-experienced soldiers for security duty in Jersey City and Lower Manhattan within 24 hours. France also agreed to move immediately two armored divisions from the Paris Central Command to the Wheeling - New Castle line in Pennsylvania to protect the western border of the new Commonwealth.
In a statement released from the White House, the newly re-elected President Bush tried to calm the nation and declared that "any attempt to dissolve the Union will not stand".
However, the situation in the once biggest and most powerful country on Earth is still very fluid and seems to head for the worse. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of California just annouced the formation of the Pacific Kingdom of America, which includes California and other West Coat states. Mr. Schwarzenegger crowned himself King Arnold the First. He promised to crush any rebellion from Washington and Oregon, the two states that voted for Senator Kerry on Tuesday.
At this time, there is no definite news from Alaska. It is not sure whether Alaska will remain with the USA or join Mr. Schwarzenegger's Pacific Kingdom of America. The New York Times reported that Alaska was in exploratory negotiaton with Russia for a possible return to the former motherland.
Hawai's situation is not clear at the time of this posting. According to CBS News, the state government has decided to put Hawai for sale on E-Bay. Leading bidder with 6 hours left is the Sony Corporation of Japan, with a surprisingly low bid of only 27 trillions US dollars.