Top-secret Senate Democrats’ after-action report on Roberts leaked

New York (September 16, 2005) – One day after the conclusion of the Roberts hearings, the New York Times announced today that they were in possession of a top-secret after-hearing report, drafted by the Senate Democrats. The report described a “somber and desolate mood” engulfing the demoralized Democratic senators after the Roberts hearings on Thursday evening. Senator Reid, the Democratic Senate leader, angrily ripped into his judiciary committee members, accusing them of “below-par performance.” ”You totally failed our constituents,” Senator Reid said. “How can I explain your miserable performance to our beloved masters Ralph Neas, DailyKos and Cindy Sheehan?” the senator complained bitterly. Senator Feinstein “profusely” apologized for her lack-luster behavior in her last 15 minutes of questioning, when she appeared to simply read questions without the slightest comprehension of the content. Senator Kennedy also conceded his failure when his sneaky and blatant attempt to smear Judge Roberts as “un-American” blew up in the first 30 seconds. Senator Biden appeared to accept some blame too. “I should have consulted with Joe Torre first, before I tried to explain the strike zone to Judge Roberts”, conceded the Democratic senator from Delaware. Only Senator Schumer looked at the whole situation in a different light. “If we can beat the enemies, we should join them. I will vote yes to Judge Roberts next Thursday,” said the New York senator.