Search for Miers’ judicial philosophy expanded, DC police says

Washington DC (October 13, 2005) –The intensive search for the missing "judicial philosophy" of Ms. Miers, the Supreme Court nominee, has yielded up to date no concrete results, a spokesperson for the DC Police Department confirmed in a press release this morning. Since the NRO (National Review Online) “filed the missing report” on October 3, no measurable progress has been made in spite of numerous tips from all over the Beltway. Leading the search was Mr. Mark Levin, the special agent in charge of the Miers Task Force, who decided today to expand the search beyond the Beltway boundaries. “We have already searched” everywhere in DC, even “ in every Chinese restaurants” in town, and “have opened every fortune cookies available”, but unfortunately, no trace of Ms. Miers’ judicial philosophy was found, Mr. Mark Levin said. Responding to questions from reporters, Mr. Levin said he is negotiating with the Secret Services to check out recent rumors indicating that Ms. Miers' judicial philosophy could be stored in a “lock box” buried deep under the White House Rose Garden.